High IQ not a prerequisite to host TV hunting shows

I wouldn’t say I’m a junkie when it comes to watching hunting on TV, but I do watch my fair share. I watch hunting on TV because, even though there are approximately 273 other channels available for viewing, most of the time there is nothing on any of them worth watching.

Now, my wife Terri would beg to differ on this situation. Her belief is if you’ve seen one hunting show, you have seen them all, and anything is better than watching hunting. Good thing we have two TVs.

What really baffles Terri is why, during any one of the dozens of hunting shows when you see the deer walk out of the woods and get shot, the hunter has to look at the camera and recap for you in great detail what you just watched.

“We were sittin’ here in this tree,” the camo-clad host will whisper. “And Mr. Big walked out over by that fence, came right under the tree stand and gave me the perfect shot.”

Yep, that’s what we just watched.

I have to admit, Terri has a point.

And, she has trouble with the fact that most of the time after the hunter on TV shoots the deer, or elk, or antelope — after one of the loudest sounds man can create, the muzzle blast of a rifle — the TV hunters all start whispering again.

I try to tell her the sound of a rifle blast doesn’t normally scare wild animals all that much, but human voices will run them into the next county. She doesn’t understand.

My problem with many of the hunting TV shows is the language the hosts and hunters use. No, they aren’t vulgar; most just use really poor grammar.

Now, I only have a minor in English, so I will tell you right here and now I don’t always speak (or write) properly. But when some of those TV hosts start throwing around the double negatives and using improper tenses, I will cringe as if someone is running fingernails over a chalkboard.

Besides the fact that hearing these fairly constant clinkers is like chewing on aluminum foil to some of us, they are also doing nothing to help combat the image of hunters as a bunch of dumb rednecks who like to drink beer and shoot things. Evidently, we ain’t very good talkers, neither.

My guess is, as outdoor television evolves — and it has actually come a long way in the past decade — there will be fewer and fewer good ol’ boys with a video camera out there creating television shows and more professionals, who actually are articulate and engaging, will take over these shows.

In the meantime, we must put up with some of these hunt show hosts tracking down and absolutely killing the English language as they pussyfoot through the woods of North America.

I think back to one English professor I had in college. He was very formal and perfect in his diction and grammar. I believe the grand gentleman has long passed on to another world, but my guess is if he could see today’s outdoor-television programming he would be down there just spinning away in his grave.

“It don’t get no better than this,” is a favorite of several of the hunting TV hosts.

Spin, spin, spin.

Or: “We ain’t got nothin’ yet this mornin’.”

Spin, gasp, spin, gasp.

And when did the word “seen” take over for the word “saw?” You hear it on just about every hunting show. “We seen three big bucks this afternoon.” Or “Man, that was a big bull I seen.”

“You ‘saw’ them, you ‘SAW’ them,” I will scream at the boob tube.

And the one that really agitates me is the interchanging of the words “me” and “I”. Most of the time it is incorrect in the following:  “Me and Tony’s going fishing” or “Dave and me went down to Alabama after turkeys.”  The correct versions: Tony and I are going fishing. Dave and I went down to Alabama.

Then there are the few who know the use of “me” is incorrect, they’re just not sure when, so they throw “I” in there all the time, and it is still wrong a third of the time.

“It was the perfect hunt for Tiffany and I,” the host will say.

Spin, scream, spin, scream.

Good thing old professor Dunwoody is gone. It would kill him if he were here. And it isn’t doing me a whole lot of good, either. But for some reason I keep watching. Mainly because there’s just not much else on TV. At least, that’s what I keep telling Terri.

• Rob Phillips is a freelance outdoor writer and partner in the advertising firm of Smith, Phillips & DiPietro. He can be reached at rwphillips@spdadvertising.com.